“It is both a blessing and curse to feel everything so deeply” – David Jones.
I’ve read that vulnerability and courage go hand in hand. This truly resonates with me, being such an incredibly sensitive person in terms of what in this world affects me emotionally. It took me years to realize that it was okay to admit that I was sensitive. In the past I used to be embarrassed that I felt things deeply, but over time I slowly started to find a balance and eventually discovered that my strengths lay in my compassion. And the fact is that as I began to figure out my truths and the fact that I wanted to spread my passion to other people, I felt stronger than ever.
They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I have to say, there was a time when I really did not think that was true. My relationship with a toxic, abusive person shattered my trust that people were inherently good, and made me doubt that one could ever truly know someone. I didn’t believe in love anymore beyond a set of chemicals and a word someone used to excuse their behavior, and I was so, so, so angry. I was angry that after everything, after it was over and three years had passed, he still seemed to have an emotional hold on me. It made me feel weak. Powerless. Exposed. For almost those entire three years I truly wished that I had never met him, so that I could have held on to my positive outlook on emotional connections, relationships, and love.
Even though deep down I knew that that experience had taught me a valuable lesson, I refused to acknowledge that he had brought something good to my life because I was so indescribably angry at him – and at myself.
But you can probably tell where I’m going with this. If I hadn’t had that experience of an abusive relationship, I might not have been so fired up to get out, and move on. If I hadn’t met him, I might not have been filled with a rage and passion to empower other women to stand up for themselves too. If I had not been there, I might not be reaching out to other people and sharing this power. And that is way more important than my pride, and my anger that he made me feel like a victim. So yes, what does not kill you makes you stronger. And I will say this too: knowledge is power. If you’ve gone through an experience like that and felt such a strong sense of shame, fear, bitterness, anger – you will know the warning signs, and you will never allow yourself to be in that situation again. Know yourself and what you deserve.
I’m still sensitive when I talk about that tumultuous and terrifying period of my life. Truthfully that part might never change. But the difference now is that I can acknowledge that I learned from it. I’ll never allow that to happen again, and I’m strong enough now to share it with others.
What made you stronger?