When you love someone, what wouldn’t you do? What move is too big? If nothing else makes sense and you’re facing a wall of changes, but you have a strong feeling from somewhere deep inside that says “This is my person”, is it worth it?
I had lost faith in people. I’d lost faith in love – didn’t even really know if it was a real thing anymore. But most of all I had lost faith in myself – how could I know if I could trust myself to open up to someone, and in turn trust them not to use it against me?
But somehow after a surprisingly short time, I found myself having deep feelings for this person – deep enough for me to consider uprooting my life and embracing change. I knew I wouldn’t lose myself because – well, for many reasons, but mostly because I had already lost myself and come back, so I knew I was resilient enough to find my way again.
Along the way through my past relationships, both good and bad, I realized that you need to be whole to open yourself up to someone again. Cheesy as it sounds, I’ve come to believe that before you can fully love someone else you need to love yourself. After three years of feeling fragile and building up massive emotional walls around myself, out of the blue I found myself with this person who made me feel stronger than ever without even trying.
It is a scary feeling – to be in love with someone and know that they feel the same. It’s arguably the most intoxicating feeling in the world. But it’s also terrifying, because personally I remember what it feels like to have someone break you and be left feeling empty again. It’s a pain that likely most of us go through at some point, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.
So when it comes to relationships, how much do you trust your gut?
Somehow I have a calm feeling about this one – whatever the reason, I’m choosing to believe he is worth the risk that I’ve avoided for so long. I’m choosing to reach for something amazing rather than shy away again. I’m choosing to consider new changes to my life that I haven’t before – not because he asked me to (he wouldn’t), but because I love him and I want to build something together. To be clear, I’m not planning on changing myself for anyone anytime soon. But trusting my gut that this is worth it, I am definitely considering what I can do for love.
What wouldn’t you do?