Have you ever thought about the concept of being confidently lost?
This phrase had never occurred to me in my life, until just this morning I heard for the first time a song with that title. “Confidently Lost” – for some reason this struck a chord with me. I realized that in fact, that might be exactly how I feel during this tumultuous time.
Even before the world went into lockdown mode, I was in the middle of a transition and very unsure of my direction. Now I feel it more than ever – adrift, aimless, helpless, and at the mercy of the waves of life, which sparks various negative emotions on a daily basis. I had just moved to a new place, with no job, no friends, and very little opportunity to get out and explore my new home. I’ll admit that it is still a constant battle for me to stay positive and set myself up for success in the future.
And yet… deep down, I am actually still confident that things will work out in the end.
How? Well, faith, I suppose. I’m not a religious person per se, but I do believe in things that you can’t see, and I strongly believe that things happen for a reason. The universe (or God; whatever entity/power source you believe in) will make things happen and every one of us are here for some purpose. Mine? Still figuring all of that out, and I have to accept that that’s okay.
I’ve come to the realization that there are truly only two things that I know for sure about my life direction right now:
First, that I am meant to be with the one I love and I am certain of our future together, and I am so grateful every day for that.
And second, that I need to keep writing and sharing what’s in my head and heart. Whether that is through this blog, my poetry, prose, or books that I have yet to finish and reveal to the world, it’s one of my purposes in this life to write. I feel strongly enough about this that I know I need to continue pursuing it and see where it leads.
For me to take a step back and accept that I don’t have as much control as I would like over my life right now has been an everyday struggle. I know that many, many others are going through the same or similar streams of emotions as I am.
But the truth is that what I can control are my effort and my attitude. I can make an effort to simply be there for myself and those around me, and I can focus on being thankful for what I have, rather than worrying about what I don’t and pushing myself to the brink of a mental breakdown.
I need to remind myself that I have it pretty good right now, all things considered, and that good things are coming (eventually!).
So, if that means being confidently lost right now, then so be it.
There is only so much I can control, and that is okay. For some things I will just have to wait and see how they pan out. But for now, (although it can be a daunting task to put the worry aside!) I intend to focus on what I know, and what I need in order to feel okay.
Have you ever been confidently lost?