4 Simple Ways to Make Someone Feel Valued

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The world doesn’t necessarily need more people who talk. It needs more people who listen, and it needs more people who care. Because really, nobody likes a phony.

And in today’s world, there’s a lot out there that’s fake. People are so often posting their “best selves” online, trying to appear perfect for friends and strangers alike. The pressure to look like you have everything together and be the best version of yourself is intense. In part because of this, it can sometimes be difficult to find true authentic relationships. Not just romantic ones, but day-to-day interactions too. And it can be hard to feel like other people actually care.

People want to be heard, seen, respected, and listened to. But sometimes, a person who truly makes you feel valued is hard to find.

You can be that person.

“People will walk in and walk out of your life, but the one whose footstep made a long lasting impression is the one you should never allow to walk out.”

— Michael Bassey Johnson

If someone walks away knowing that you actually listened to them as an individual and they feel truly appreciated, they’re going to remember you.

So, how do you go about making someone feel incredibly valued? Four simple things to keep in mind:

1. Listen to listen, instead of listening just to respond.

These days when we have a conversation, far too often we’re only thinking about what we’re going to say next, and not truly listening to what the other person is saying. Pay attention to details.

One of the best ways to make a person feel truly valued is to acknowledge that what they’re feeling or trying to express is real and understandable. Make them feel validated. Rather than trying to come up with a reply or some sort of solution right off the bat, acknowledge their frustration or whatever they’re feeling as valid.

“I hear you.”

“I understand.”

“You’re right, that sucks.”

“You have a point.”

“That’s understandable.”

Learn to listen for the sake of listening, because in such a busy world, sometimes people just want to be heard. Be that person, and they’ll remember.

2. Tell them how and why you appreciate them.

Many people don’t actually tell others how and why they’re glad someone is in their life. But just a few words can have a huge impact.

“I’m glad you’re here today.”

“Your positivity keeps me going.”

“Work is so much better when you’re here with me.”

“I don’t know how you do it — you always give me hope.”

“I appreciate that you’re always prepared.”

“Thank you so much for just listening to me.”

Sometimes a simple phrase of appreciation can go a long way in improving someone’s day. You never know what’s going on in someone else’s life, and telling them you’re glad that they’re here with you could make all the difference in their mood.

And, there are actually many benefits of giving genuine compliments — for both the giver and receiver. So don’t be afraid to be honest!

3. Accept them as they are.

Stay humble. Don’t try to turn someone into you.

I had a very good friend who had the tendency to question me for doing things differently than she did. I knew she meant well, and it came from a place of caring, but more often than not her comments and questions came across as condescending.

Our minds work differently — she’s analytical, incredibly frugal, and plans way in advance, while I’m passionate, spontaneous, and like to have some freedom and fun while planning things. But we’re both independent and stable, and get things done that need to be done — just in our own ways.

For a long time, I let it go but often felt her judgment when making a decision. It caused us to grow apart.

Much later, I ended up telling her honestly the reason I didn’t want to spend time with her anymore. She hadn’t even realized she was doing it, apologized profusely, and told me how much she valued my friendship. In fact, she was downright embarrassed she’d come across as so condescending.

Here’s the thing — we get so caught up in our own world and way of life that sometimes we project it onto other people. Especially the people closest to us.

Even if it comes from a place of love, telling someone how they should act, think, or feel doesn’t make them feel valued. It’s condescending and insulting. There’s a difference between speaking up when you’re worried about someone, and constantly giving unsolicited advice because their way of doing things is different than your own. And, most people don’t want yet another person telling them the “right” way to be. So if you want them to feel valued, let them be their own person.

So stay humble — everyone is different, and appreciating those differences and accepting someone for who they are may be exactly what they need.

4. Show that they’re a priority and give them your time.

Whether it’s a significant other, family member, or friend, no one likes to feel that they’re not important to you. Taking the time to make someone a priority leaves a lasting impression, and paints you as someone they can count on. Especially in the time of constant social media, it’s easy to make someone feel overlooked and taken for granted.

One of the friendships I had to let go of was someone who constantly told me the reason she never responded to my messages was that her life was incredibly busy and chaotic — but at the same time, I would see her posting on social media photos of herself and what she was doing, sometimes even with other friends.

Every time I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but every time it made me feel more and more dismissed and taken for granted. And honestly, there’s no quicker way to make someone feel dismissed than to make your public image a priority over their friendship.

We all know that life can be chaotic. But there’s a difference between blowing someone off repeatedly without apology or reason, and genuinely not having the time. If you don’t have time, tell them. If you truly care, let them be the first to know when you’re free — and actually follow up. Make that person a priority.

There are only so many “I’m sorry, I’m too busy” messages someone can take before they start thinking you don’t care about them. Don’t be that person — it’s truly hard to come back from a feeling like that.

So - if you want people to remember you, show them that you actually care. Because in the end, that’s what so many people really want. Someone who cares. Tell them how and why they add value to your life, and you’ll add value to theirs.

“Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.”

― Albert Einstein

Subtle actions like being an active listener or telling someone that you appreciate them in one way or another can make a huge difference in someone’s life.

We all want to feel heard, respected, and appreciated. Be that person for someone else, make them feel valued, and chances are they won’t forget it.