To the Girl I Was At Seventeen
To the girl I was at seventeen —
Being a young woman is tough. There was so much you didn’t know, and you had to learn a lot of lessons the hard way. I wish I could reach back in time and tell you everything you needed to hear, and show you everything you needed to see to believe you could be strong.
I would have told you to ditch the good girl, and learn to embrace the warrior goddess.
That you’re stronger than you know, and that you deserve to be respected as an equal. If they don’t respect you, they don’t deserve you. And even when it hurts to accept that, it is absolutely something to live by.
I would have held you when you were hurt and told you there were plenty more fish in the sea. Better ones, with bigger hearts and smaller egos. Ones who would never have said that to you. Ones who truly cared and showed that they meant it. Ones who didn’t pressure you to do anything you didn’t want to do or be someone you didn’t want to be.
I would have told you that the only one who is ever truly going to know you is yourself. And she’s someone who needs to have your back, so learn to believe in her voice and her capabilities.
I would have told you the world is so much more dangerous than you realize, and to believe people when they say that.
I would have helped you find your own strength, and helped you to trust your intuition. It’s there for a reason, but we’re told so many times by other people and society that it’s not a big deal, that we’re overreacting, that everything is fine. So we learn to suppress those red flags. Until it’s too late.
I would have warned you not to go into that basement.
I would have told you to listen to your friends, not boys who told you you were cute. People whose only goal is to get into your pants are never to be trusted.
Your trust is something precious. It has to be earned.
I would have taught you to defend yourself — from criticism, from betrayal, from attacks, from heartbreak — some of it is inevitable, some of it isn’t. But either way, I would have taught you to be more cautious and resilient, so you didn’t have to learn everything the hard way.
I would have told you that it’s okay to open up and admit what you don’t know.
That the people who say they love you, actually do. They want to help, but they can’t support you if they have no idea what’s going on. Let them in. Let them save you if you need saving. It doesn’t make you weak — it makes you a human being, who knows she’s in over her head and made some stupid mistakes, and now needs someone to tell her it’s going to be okay.
Family is a gift — treasure them, and let them dry your tears. Because they want to, they just don’t know you need them to yet.
I would have told you that other people’s opinions don’t hold as much weight as you think they do. Society is harsh to girls, but it’s not a death sentence. They’ll tell you that you’re too much and not enough. That you’re worth less than others. That it’s your fault.
It’s not. You are, always were, and always will be worthy and enough.
You are allowed to be your own person, and shouldn’t feel shame for it. Shame is pushed onto you in so many ways — but you can reject it if it’s not deserved. It takes time to learn that. But you can and will learn.
Once you understand who you are and what you do and don’t deserve, you become more powerful than you can imagine. And they can’t take away that power unless you let them.
So hold onto it, and use it to raise your voice.
I would have warned you to stop taking things for granted. Some things once lost, can never be returned. And it might never be the same. So cherish what you have, and appreciate the people in your life.
Because life can change so, so quickly.
And regret is real, so choose your words and actions wisely.
I would have told you that it’s okay to cry, to cut ties, to say no, and that sometimes a “fuck you” can be truly appropriate and necessary. If someone abuses your trust, crosses boundaries, doesn’t listen, and doesn’t treat you as a human being with rights and feelings — you have the reason and power to tell them to get the fuck out of your life and never come back.
And if they don’t listen, trust your gut and get the authorities involved. If you’re in danger and you know it, you are not overreacting. Don’t let them keep telling you that you are.
I would have shown you that despite all the hatred and injustice and pain in the world, there is also compassion and light. Strangers do nice things for one another all the time — humans can surprise you. You just have to learn to look.
Because if you don’t look for the good things, the world can appear to be so dark it’s not even worth fighting for.
Through it all, I would have told you to be kind. To remember that everyone has their own story to tell and that you never know what’s going on behind someone’s eyes. They could be in pain, too. Don’t add to it if you don’t have to. Small words can make a big difference.
Thank you. I’m sorry. I love you.
All of those can make a much bigger impact than you think.
Seventeen is tough, but you will survive and you will eventually grow into a warrior woman with the voice you never knew you had. You’ll become someone who says no, demands more, loves herself, stands up for what she believes in, and works to help those who were once just like you. Embrace it, accept it, and remember to trust yourself.
Because you’re truly stronger than you know.
