5 Underrated Pearls of Wisdom to Help You Conquer Life
Since I was a kid, I’ve always loved the idea of conquering your life. Not just living — thriving. Being totally capable and in control, while making the most of the time you have. This idea of “conquering” made me feel incredibly powerful.
According to Merriam-Webster, “to conquer: to gain mastery over or win by overcoming obstacles or opposition, or :to overcome by mental or moral power.”
Who wouldn’t want to overcome obstacles and gain mastery over their own life? Even when I was young, I took it to heart and did my best to live life to the fullest.
Upon becoming an adult, I was still determined to conquer and make the most of my life but found myself suddenly feeling pretty overwhelmed, too. Because when you’re just starting out and leaving the nest, let’s face it — life on your own can seem pretty daunting. There’s no denying that we all have a lot to learn.
As a result, I spent most of my twenties exploring different areas and trying to “settle” on something to do. And I ended up having more than a dozen jobs. Some I stayed in for a couple of years, a few I worked at the same time, and all of them helped me gain knowledge, stories, and a whole lot of life experience.
And here’s the thing — over time and through my various jobs, I discovered that regardless of where you live or what you choose to do for work, some things are always important and never change.
Here are five simple — but crucial — things to keep in mind.
1. Beware of toxic people — they aren’t always obvious.
They can be disguised as friends, or they could be your boss, or your roommate, or even a family member. Sometimes it can be hard to tell when someone doesn’t deserve your time and energy, especially if you’re close to them. But it’s important to pay attention because spending a lot of time with toxic people can absolutely take a toll.
According to Nancy Irwin, PsyD,
“A person with toxic qualities is anyone who is abusive, unsupportive, or unhealthy emotionally — someone who basically brings you down more than up. You may begin to feel dependent on him or her for their opinion, doubting your own.”
And Shannon Thomas, LCSW, says,
“They can be draining and leave you emotionally wiped out…They want you to feel sorry for them and responsible for all their problems — and then fix these problems too.”
Good people can still do toxic things, but if those toxic things start to affect you, get that person out of your life.
A few years ago, I was becoming very close with a woman who had just started working for the same company, and who lived just a couple of miles away as well. She was fun and we had a lot in common, but there started to be signs that she might not be a great person to be around. I began to get the feeling that she didn’t have my best interest (or her own, for that matter) in mind.
In the span of that couple of months, she became more and more pushy, passive-aggressive, and self-destructive.
But, I ignored the warning signs and kept giving her the benefit of the doubt. At the time I knew she was going through a hard time, and I blamed her behavior on that and continued being supportive.
Only, it kept getting worse. She was being reckless and selfish with her decisions and kept trying to involve me. Until lo and behold, she made some choices that ended in a big blowout between us which nearly cost me my job. It should never have gotten to that point. Up until then, I had tried to be a good friend but never felt like she was actually there for me.
Attention — friendships shouldn’t feel one-sided.
Someone can claim to be your friend but act very differently. As I said, good people can absolutely make bad decisions — but when it becomes a pattern, it’s time to reevaluate. I could have avoided that situation and saved myself a lot of time and stress if I’d recognized the signs, and stopped giving my energy to someone who was taking advantage of it.
If someone doesn’t appreciate you or makes you feel like crap every time you hang out, stop spending time with them. Stop letting them drag you down or dull your shine.
That’s not healthy or fair to you, and ultimately it’s their loss.
2. Your health is always important.
This is true wherever you are, and whatever job you have. No matter what the situation is, take care of your body.
Most of the country (75% of Americans) is chronically dehydrated. 1 in 3 American adults doesn’t get enough sleep on a regular basis. If you constantly pull all-nighters (I’ve been there, believe me, and I don’t miss it), your body gets weaker and brain function slows down. Did you know that after a certain number of hours without sleep, your brain function is impaired enough to be considered legally drunk?
According to the CDC,
“being awake for at least 18 hours is the same as someone having a blood content (BAC) of 0.05%…Being awake for at least 24 hours is equal to having a blood alcohol content of 0.10%. This is higher than the legal [driving] limit (0.08% BAC) in all states.”
Your brain needs rest to keep you safe, healthy, and alert. Don’t deprive it, if you can help it.
These things take their toll — and especially if you’re trying to “hustle”, like so many young people today, taking care of yourself should also be a priority.
Cliché as it sounds, you simply can’t pour from an empty cup. So first and foremost, take care of yourself. It’s a lot more difficult to conquer anything at all if you’re not feeling rested, healthy, and strong.
3. Intuition is real — learn to trust it.
There is 100% such a thing as a gut feeling, and most of the time it’s right.
That little voice in the back of your mind is there to protect you — from people, from situations, and from yourself. If you have an inkling that something isn’t right, pay attention.
“Intuition is always right in at least two important ways. It is always in response to something. It always has your best interest at heart.”
―Gavin De Becker, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence
Intuition isn’t necessarily always in regard to imminent danger, either (though it often can be). It could also be a feeling that the job you’re in is not right for you, or that guy who seemed sweet at first might not actually have the best intentions or the apartment you’re looking at renting isn’t actually as great a deal as you were hoping it was.
I’ve ignored red flags before and gotten into sticky situations. There were a few times I put my trust somewhere I shouldn’t have, because I brushed aside the feeling that something wasn’t right.
But here’s the thing — your intuition doesn’t have an ulterior motive. Don’t brush it aside.
It’s there for you; it’s got your back — so take the time to listen.
4. Money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes it easier.
I’m definitely not going to argue that you need to make all your decisions around money. We all know there are some things money definitely can’t buy — like time well spent and true friends.
However, it’s so incredibly important that you have some sort of savings account, a chunk of cash, or “if-shit-hits-the-fan fund”. Life is unpredictable, and will absolutely throw you curve balls when you least expect it.
The sad reality is the majority of Americans (nearly 60%) can’t afford to have a $1000 emergency. I was one of those people for a long, long time — I lived paycheck to paycheck, spent any extra money I ever had on unnecessary things, and didn’t prioritize building up savings. Then several things happened, like my car breaking down and suddenly losing my job. So I was abruptly caught with no safety net and had nothing left.
I learned that lesson the hard way.
Hopefully, you don’t have to.
Make building up savings a priority whenever you possibly can, because having that money will give you so much more freedom. It takes a little bit of the weight off your shoulders if you suddenly have to fly somewhere for a family emergency, if something expensive breaks on your car, if you need an ambulance, if your laptop is stolen or breaks and you need another one for work or school asap, etc. Things happen — that’s just the way life goes.
Having a least a small “oh-shit fund” will definitely help.
5. Comfort zones, while nice and safe, also kill dreams.
I’m not going to deny the appeal of staying in your comfort zone. The world is full of challenges and hardships and is often a downright scary place.
That being said, 95% of Americans have some sort of bucket list of things they would like to do in their lives. I’m one of them. I’d be willing to bet that you are, too.
But what often happens is that we get so comfortable in our current situation (even if we’re not 100% happy with it) that we become nervous about stepping out into the unknown again. We fear changing things up because, well, what if it’s never the same?
You have dreams and goals, but they keep getting pushed back because you convince yourself that you’re fine where you are and don’t want to sacrifice stability and comfort (which is understandable).
But, as Regina King says,
“Comfort zones are where dreams go to die.”
Unfortunately, life is going to be full of risks regardless of the road you choose to take. If you get too comfortable where you are and never want to make a change because you’re scared, life will literally pass you by. You’ll look up and it’s ten years later, with that same list of things you’ve always wanted to do.
Make the most of the moments and muster up the courage to go after what you want, because life is way too short to wait around for something to happen.
Conquering life is possible.
Conquering fear, doubt, and insecurity is possible, because oftentimes you’re much more capable than you think. Give yourself some credit and remember that life is a learning process.
It took me a long time to understand what I wanted and needed out of life, and in some ways, I’m still figuring it out. But at least I know now what to look out for and focus on.
Life is full of mystery, pain, and absolute beauty all jumbled together. Take care of yourself, pay attention to that little voice inside your head, and make the most of the days as much as you can — whatever that means for you and your life. Because time flies whether you want it to or not, and the reality is that nothing is forever, right?
If you have dreams or things that you want to do that are simmering on the back burner, do what you can to make them happen. Even a small step forward is a step in the right direction. Your future self will thank you.
This is the time you’ve got, so make it count and conquer your life.
