How to Know If You’re an Empath

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Have you been told you’re too sensitive? Or, maybe you’ve heard the terms “empath” and “Highly Sensitive Person” and wondered what they meant. If you feel things very deeply, are in tune with other people’s energy, and are extremely affected by your environment and other people’s moods - you’re not alone.

While empaths and Highly Sensitive People share many traits, they don’t always mean the same thing. Here is a breakdown of what it means to be an empath, what it means to be an HSP, and how to recognize the signs.

Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

Let me paint a picture: over the years, I’ve been told by countless people that I’m too sensitive. Too soft. Since I was a baby, I’ve been easily affected by other people’s moods and my environment. There have been times I’ve picked up on what someone else is feeling, before they realize they’re feeling it. Bright lights and being in crowded, busy, and loud places make me exhausted. And I often have physical reactions to emotional overwhelm.

Violence in movies makes me ache, and I remember disturbing scenes for years. Almost every night I have vivid dreams (and nightmares if I’m extra stressed).

And it wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized I wasn’t alone.

In fact, about 20% of the population is thought to fall into the category of a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

Elizabeth Scott, MS describes it as,

“those who are thought to have an increased or deeper central nervous system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli.”

This means you’re more likely to notice and be affected by people’s moods, lights, sounds, touch, and situations, and can mean you’re more easily overwhelmed as well.

The term has been around since the mid-1990s, but it’s often been misunderstood. Many people tend to associate sensitivity with weakness, especially in a society like the United States. The idea that you just need to “toughen up” is still very common. And because the majority of the population is not considered highly sensitive, sometimes those who are, aren’t taken seriously.

But the fact is that even though being highly sensitive can come with challenges, it’s not as bad as you might think! It comes with benefits and advantages, too.

Signs that You Might Be Highly Sensitive

HSPs tend to:

• Avoid violent and gory movies

• Have vivid dreams

• Be very aware of tension and other people’s moods

• Be very sensitive to light, smells, sounds, different fabrics, and/or feelings of overwhelm

• Need to withdraw and have downtime, often in a dark room or somewhere free from stimuli

• Avoid situations where they think they’ll be uncomfortable or overstimulated

• Be deeply moved by art, music, or beauty

• Have a “rich inner life” with deep complex thoughts, and strong feelings

To give you some perspective — if I watch a gory movie, I physically feel that pain and will probably have nightmares about it. (And believe me, that’s something I definitely wish I could change).

I have trouble concentrating if there are too many sounds going on, and I’m pretty sensitive to smells. I’ve been moved to tears by songs, displays of art, and even heartwarming commercials. (Yes, I’ll admit it).

Before I learned strategies to protect myself and work with my sensitivity, I used to get very overwhelmed in shopping malls, loud restaurants, casinos, concerts, (even big grocery stores) and anywhere with crowds, bright lights, and tons of visual stimulation. Now that I have tools and strategies, I still don’t always enjoy those environments, but I can handle them better in small doses.

What It Means to Be an Empath

Empath: someone who is highly in tune with and can experience the emotions of others.

You can be both an HSP and an empath! Empaths often experience and can have sensitivity to many of the same things that HSPs do. The main difference is that in terms of being sensitive to other people’s emotional and physical state - empaths actually feel and absorb feelings and sensations from others, whereas HSPs typically don’t.

Humans all fall somewhere on the spectrum of empathy, but there is a difference between being empathetic and being an empath. Having empathy/being empathetic means that when someone is going through something, (for example, if someone is upset and experiencing something sad) you can understand and feel for them. Being an empath means that you actually experience and feel it with them.

“Researchers have discovered a specialized group of brain cells that are responsible for compassion. These cells enable everyone to mirror emotions, to share another person’s pain, fear, or joy. Because empaths are thought to have hyper-responsive mirror neurons, we deeply resonate with other people’s feelings.”

- Dr. Judith Orloff, MD

There are also several different types of empaths:

• Physical Empath: someone who is attuned to other people’s physical symptoms and feels those physical sensations in their own body. This includes feeling energized by someone’s sense of well-being.

• Emotional Empath: someone who picks up on other people’s emotions, good or bad, and soaks them up like a sponge, feeling the emotions as their own. (This is the most common kind of empath - and often emotional empaths absorb emotions and feelings from others but won’t necessarily know where they came from or what’s really under the surface).

• Intuitive Empath: someone who experiences heightened intuition and other extraordinary perceptions, like messages in dreams, telepathy, animal and plant communication, and/or contact with the other side. Additionally, intuitive empaths absorb the emotions of others and because of their strong intuition, they can often also understand what’s going unsaid.

High Sensitivity Is a Personality Trait

Being empathic or highly sensitive isn’t something you can necessarily change. It’s a personality trait, not a behavior that you can simply do away with. Rather, you learn to adapt. You can learn to embrace it, and learn how to bounce back when things affect you deeply.

Personally, I was ashamed of my sensitivity for much of my life. I had no idea why I couldn’t see other people’s pain without feeling it myself, or why I was so affected by other people’s emotional state. For a long time, I believed that I was just not as strong as I needed to be. And I imagine that if you’re reading this, you can probably relate.

The world kept telling me to toughen up, and I knew I needed to “get stronger”. But, strength comes in many forms. And once I understood it wasn’t something I could necessarily change, I learned to embrace it and live with it how I needed to. I embraced the good parts and learned to manage the more difficult ones.

Here are a few things that help:

• Accept the fact that gory movies aren’t your thing, and that’s okay.

• Plan some time to be alone and recharge when you know you’re going to need it.

• Set boundaries and start saying no to situations you know you don’t want to be in.

• Pay attention to who you’re spending time with and how you feel afterward.

• Understand that you can shift your mindset! Meaning, you don’t have to see yourself as a victim to your environment and everyone else’s energy if you learn to take care of yourself.

• Use meditation and visualization to put energetic shields around yourself, so that you can stop absorbing other people’s energy and emotion so much (yes, this really helps!).

Once I realized that being highly sensitive was a part of me — and that I wasn’t alone — I knew I’d find ways to thrive. Because, there’s a freedom that comes with embracing parts of yourself that are never going to change. It makes it so much easier just to take control of what you can, and live your life.

Sensitivity Gets a Bad Rap

Especially in a society like the USA, being sensitive is often still viewed as negative. You mention sensitivity, and often someone associates it with being fragile or weak.

But while it may come with challenges, it’s not always such a bad thing.

“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate.

It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings.

Those who are at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ or having ‘too many issues’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world.”

― Anthon St. Maarten

Society’s negative image of sensitivity made me believe I should be able to “fix” myself for a very long time. I thought I just needed to learn to be tougher and deal with it, rather than letting everything affect me. This is unfortunately a story that many empaths and highly sensitive people face.

But it turns out, it doesn’t work that way.

My feelings didn’t change — only my exterior and the way I reacted. I was still sensitive, I just learned to cope with it better. I still felt things deeply, I just learned to bounce back a little faster. But ultimately, I couldn’t change the strength of my emotion.

Being sensitive doesn’t mean you can’t deal with things — it means they may affect you differently, and in many cases more strongly, than they would other people. And it can mean that you process them differently, too.

But either way, you learn to cope. And once you accept yourself and find what works for you, life becomes a lot easier.

The Benefits of Being Empathic and Highly Sensitive

I’m living with feelings that I sometimes don’t understand. But I’ve also come to accept it as a part of who I am — a part that’s not going to go away, and doesn’t need to. Because honestly, it comes with a lot of good things, too.

Being an empath means you’re likely to:

• Crave deep and meaningful connections

• Be deeply moved by beauty

• Appreciate the world around you

• Be in tune with nature

• Be open-minded

• Be understanding of other people’s feelings and perspectives

• Be observant and notice details

• Be highly intuitive

• Be a great listener

Because I can feel other people’s pain, I’m extremely empathetic. I’ve been told I’m a great listener my whole life, and I’m patient and observant. I notice details. I worked with children for years in several different jobs, and I believe my empathy and patience are what made me good at it. Being highly sensitive and empathic makes me care, deeply.

Empaths often have deep relationships and crave true connection. I’m in tune with what I need and what I can do for the people I care about.

It’s part of what makes me a passionate coach, a loyal friend, a loving sister, an adoring partner, and a grateful daughter.

There have been so, so many times in my life when I’ve wished I could not care as much. Maybe you can relate to that, too.

When I look at my partner sleeping beside me and know that he’s not having nightmares, that he can easily leave his worries at the door, that he can watch a disturbing movie and not have dreams about it for weeks afterward, that he can read the news before bed, then put it down and not dwell on the fact that thousands of people are suffering every day - yes, there are times I wish I could feel “less”.

Unfortunately, it can be difficult for me to just leave pain at the door. Though I’ve become much better at managing it and taking care of myself, sometimes it’s still there, and if I’ll be honest, sometimes I still hate that part.

If you’re empathic or highly sensitive, that might sound familiar. But it’s also one of the things that makes you different. Unique. The truth is that even though it may feel like a burden sometimes, it really is also a strength. If you’re a highly sensitive person, that empathy, and the ability to pick up on emotions and subtleties are part of what makes you able to do what you do.

It’s probably part of the reason people in your life love you, support you, and enjoy being with you. And honestly, it’s part of what the world needs right now.

The world is too full of hurt to spread anything other than kindness. We need people who listen, and notice what’s not being said. We need people to be understanding, open-minded, observant, and compassionate.

And most of all, we desperately need people who care.

Want to go deeper into how to thrive as an empath and HSP? When you work with me 1:1, we figure out what you want, what’s in the way, and how to make it happen - with me guiding and supporting you along the way. Book your free call below to get a taste of my coaching, and let’s chat about conquering your life.